The downfall ofNeil Marshallpost-Centuriononly worsens withDuchess. Marshall’s aiming forGuy Ritchiemeets one of those escapist romantic novels with Fabio cover art, but lands on an A.I. spitout of movies likeLayer CakeorSnatch. Grok Ritchie, if you will. A screenplay by Marshall and co-written by lead actress slash executive producerCharlotte Kirkkeeps missing the mark, stumbling through gangland stereotypes and shootouts against henchmen who couldn’t hit the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from twenty feet away. In the pantheon ofLock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrelsimitations,Duchessranks toward the bottom — an unenthusiastic union of genres with an empty creative clip.
Duchess follows the story of a small-time crook who ventures into the dangerous world of diamond trafficking. After a deal goes wrong, she is left for dead. Driven by a desire for retribution, she embarks on a relentless quest for vengeance.
What Is ‘Duchess’ About?
Kirk stars as Scarlett Monaghan, “a tough, working-class, petty criminal” who’s barely shown as any of those things before meeting the love of her life,James BondLite, Robert McNaughton (Philip Winchester). It’s revealed that “Rob” is a wealthy smuggler with expensive tastes, welcoming Scarlett into his Canary Islands criminal outfit alongside longtime accomplices Danny Oswald (Sean Pertwee) and Billy Baraka (Hoji Fortuna). As is common in Rob’s field, a double cross brings mercenaries and rats to his doorstep. Through a series of predicaments, Scarlett finds herself relying on Rob’s training and must become the badass version of herself: Duchess.
Unfortunately,Marshall doesn’t show you anything that might contextualize Scarlett’s evolutionfrom a fighter who can land only one punch in a boxing ring to an expert assassin.Duchessis all-talk boredom; characters must speak its plot advancements aloud — otherwise, we’d be completely stumped. The film’s requisite training montage barely shows Scarlett improving with Rob, more often rolling around under bedsheets.Duchessstarts with the vague introduction of Scarlett as an action heroine, but then confusingly plops her next to Rob as an eye-candy damsel. Her place as Rob’s hot-to-trot lover is more critical than developmental motivations, which the script exploits for multiple cheesy pre-and-post-sex sequences that detract from storytelling. It’s a tonal jumble of romantic drivel with plenty of abs and sideboob, barely fit for airport bookstore shelves.
Marshall and Kirk’s screenplay is a mess of character introductions and affronting dialoguedelivered by Kirk’s “Oi, gov’nuh” accent. Over and over the film freeze-frames on a new face and flashes a graphic designed namecard like in all the movies Marshall tries to emulate, which starts feeling like a prank after the midway point. Brand new blokes appear at the buzzer becauseDuchesshas no quality to showcase, just quantity. Half the duration feels like Kirk’s narration reads names from a rejected henchman phonebook. It’s such a bafflingly overstuffed movie regarding pawns on the board, and yet there’s so little significance to violence, setups, and vengeance. The writing feels like a first draft at points, as Baraka asks Rob — deadass out loud — “How are we going to get ourselves out of this mess?” Cut to Rob holding a hand grenade, taking the time to answer, “With this!” Not to mention all the inorganic jabbering from Kirk’s fauxfemme fatale.
‘Duchess’ Never Has Exciting Action
Maybe ifDuchessshot-’em-up with exhilaration, leaning on blow-you-away action spectacles, there’d be some forgiveness — but the gunplay is just as tragic.Every showdown between Rob’s crew and casually dressed adversaries peppers everywhere but targets with ammo. Sean Pertwee’s Danny rolls around on parking lot concrete in the open like he’s invincible, or Rob casually jogs to his getaway vehicle, dives into the wide-open pickup bed, and sits there nonchalantly as a hail of bullets dings everything but flesh. Marshall attempts to ratchet up the gore factor with a roadkill death or power drill to the skull, but even those moments are lifeless. Most actors, including the heavily featured Kirk, can’t sport combat chops beyond basic choreography — and even then, the cinematography does its best to hide slowly thrown punches or pulled maneuvers.
To be fair, this is the most I’ve tolerated Kirk in any of her collaborations with Marshall. When she’s not breaking sweats in skin-tight workout gear or pouncing on a shirtless Winchester, a glimmer of pulpy character appeal sells her feisty rogue. Kirk physically postures as her part,but then kills the mood with another Z-grade, tryhard line or dim overexplanation. The script is atrocious on multiple levels, wasting the talents of beloved veterans like Mr. Pertwee,Colm Meaney, andStephanie Beachamin this wannabe late-night treat that steals its identity from better projects.
Inauthenticity poisonsDuchessfor its excruciating (almost) two hours. Nothing depicted convinces us that Scarlett is the powerhouse vixen supporting characters swear she is. The camera often gazes Kirk up and down in a way that Marshall might deem empowering, but weirdly objectifies her as nothing more than exquisite beauty. Marshall struggles to find the line between romantic getaways, erotic thrillers, and dumb-fun action flicks. And by struggles, I mean he bulldozes through the film and leaves a tonal rubble heap in his wake. PerhapsPaul Lawler’s score ripped from jazzy Ritchie soundtracks makes scenes a bit more palatable, but even that’d be like complimenting a Spotify playlist titled “Kewl Shootout Music.”
Duchessis a soulless attempt at recreating energetic British smuggler thrillers headed byJason StathamorDaniel Craig. It’s monotonous, underdeveloped, overlong, and bastardizes the genre it’s trying to infiltrate. Marshall’s attempt to thrust Kirk into the spotlight feels like playingAtomic Blondedress-up without any of the technique or bruises.Every line uttered sounds torn from another studio’s cutting room floor, or even worse, forgotten as placeholders that accidentally made the final cut. There’s nothing wrong with a passion project, butDuchessfeels like it gets lost in a singular creative’s personal fantasy.
Duchess is a flat and forgettable riff on Guy Ritchie classics that doesn’t have an ounce of the wit, charm, or glorious mayhem.
Duchessis now playing in theaters in the U.S. and is available to stream on VOD. Click below for showtimes near you.
