Ok, so we’re not getting a summer movie season this year, and while that’s absolutely the least important thing going on in the world right now, it’s still kind of a bummer. Summer is my favorite time of year to go to the movies, and only partially because I don’t like the beach. It’s when Hollywood takes its biggest, flashiest swings, and whether they hit or miss, I love watching million-dollar bats get flailed around.
Because we can’t go to the movies this June, I mustered up every ounce of my considerable selflessness and created a ranked list of the greatest June releases going all the way back to 1975, the year the summer blockbuster season was born. This way, you can create your very own Couch and/or Floor Film Festival of summer movies based entirely around my personal taste, which is immaculate and beyond reproach. Please note these rankings are legally binding, so don’t bother @ing me.
20. Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
Director:Kevin Reynolds
Writers:Pen Densham, John Watson
Cast:Kevin Costner, Alan Rickman, Morgan Freeman
Ok, ok, I know.Robin Hood: Prince of Thievesis by no means agoodmovie. But it was a massive success, grossing almost half a billion dollars worldwide and coming in just behindTerminator 2: Judgment Dayas the biggest hit of 1991. If nothing else,Bryan Adams’ theme song “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You” was absolutely everywhere that year, earning him a Grammy Award and an Oscar nomination. It also features one of the most legendary performances of all time inAlan Rickman’s absolutely chaotic Sheriff of Nottingham, a broadly comedic character somehow trapped in a self-serious period action film.Morgan Freemanis pretty delightful as well as Robin Hood’s trusted friend Azeem. Really, the worst thing aboutRobin Hood: Prince of ThievesisKevin Costner, who plays the famed British outlaw with a midwestern accent while all of his costars have to pretend that isn’t weird. This was Costner at the height of his movie star status, and while the film is uneven and bizarre, it was enough to spawn a hit soundtrack and tons of tie-in merchandise that dominated toy store shelves for the entire summer.
19. The Hangover
Director:Todd Phillips
Writers:Jon Lucas, Scott Moore
Cast:Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis
In a summer crowded with gigantic racist robots and the most depressing Pixar movie yet released,The Hangovermade a splash by being an inventive comedy aimed squarely at adults. DirectorTodd Phillipshad already established himself as a talented peddler of R-rated comedies, but he’d sort of faded out of the spotlight after a few underwhelming PG-13 offerings (Starsky and HutchandSchool for Scoundrels, two films nobody has talked about in over a decade). ButThe Hangoverbrought him back to the A-list, so we can thank this film forJoker, if nothing else. Strong word-of-mouth kept the movie, about three friends searching for their lost buddy after a night of partying, in the box office top ten weekend after weekend in the summer of 2009. It didn’t have the marketing of Transformers: Revenge of the FallenorUp, butThe Hangoverquickly became the movie you had to see.
18. Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me
Director:Jay Roach
Writers:Michael McCullers, Mike Myers
Cast:Mike Myers, Heather Graham
Austin Powers: International Man of Mysterywasn’t a box office hit, but it gained a massive following on video, which led to the 1999 sequelAustin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me. You could not escapeThe Spy Who Shagged Methat summer – it made more money on its opening weekend than the original film made in its entire theatrical run, and when I went to see it opening night, the theater was packed and multiple showings on multiple screens were totally sold out. Your enjoyment of the movie depends entirely on how much you likeMike Myers’ schtick (and how tired you got of hearing terrible Austin Powers impressions that summer), but he’s pretty close to the top of his game here, playing multiple characters in a parody of 1960s spy movies. It wound up being the third highest-grossing movie of 1999, behindThe Phantom MenaceandThe Sixth Sense. Yep,Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Mewas a bigger hit thanThe Matrix.
17. The Rock
Director:Michael Bay
Writers:David Weisberg, Douglas S. Cook, Mark Rosner
Cast:Sean Connery, Nicolas Cage, Ed Harris
Michael Bay’s gonzo action masterpieceThe Rockwas a massive hit when it chewed its way through theaters in June of 1996. It also marks the beginning ofNicolas Cage’s transition into an action star. Previously, Cage had almost exclusively done comedies and dramas, and his role inThe Rockis appropriately as the comic relief oppositeSean Connery’s gruff hero. (Cage would go on to grow his hair out and do a ridiculous southern accent to kill scores of villainous convicts the following year inCon Air, and he hasn’t looked back.) In The Rock, he plays FBI agent Stanley Goodspeed, tasked with escorting former British Intelligence agent John Mason (Connery) to Alcatraz, which has been taken over by a group of rogue Marines. Like all of Bay’s work, it’s an exercise in riotous absurdity. But it’s also thunderously entertaining, and Connery and Cage make an extremely watchable team. Not only isThe Rockeasily Bay’s best movie (partially because it’s a movie that a human being could conceivably enjoy watching), but it was also one of the biggest hits of 1996, which was a pretty crowded year in terms of blockbusters.
16. Wonder Woman
Director:Patty Jenkins
Writers:Zack Snyder, Allan Heinberg, Jason Fuchs
Cast:Gal Gadot, Chris Pine, David Thewlis
Wonder Womanhit theaters in June of 2017 just in time to save the DC cinematic universe from itself. After the commercially successful but comically drearySuicide Squad,Batman v Superman, andMan of Steel,Gal Gadot’s Diana Prince swooped in to prove to audiences that DC movies could actually be fun. It was also the first mainstream blockbuster comic book adaptation about a female superhero (I hesitate to call 2005’sElektraa “blockbuster”). Despite an utterly absurd ending in whichDavid Thewlisgrows computer-generated biceps,Wonder Womanis a total blast, and audiences around the world scooped up nearly $1 billion in tickets. In addition to being one of the biggest hits of the year, it served as a course-correction for the DCEU, resulting in more decidedly non-gritty films likeAquamanandShazam.
15. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids
Director:Joe Johnston
Writers:Stuart Gordon, Brian Yuzna, Ed Naha, Tom Schulman
Cast:Rick Moranis, Matt Frewer, Marcia Strassman
Honey, I Shrunk the Kidswas originally supposed to be directed byRe-AnimatordirectorStuart Gordon, who wrote the screenplay withJeffrey Combs, the Re-Animator himself, in mind for theRick Moranisrole. And you can sort of tell – it’s a horror effects film disguised as a family comedy. Disney didn’t really expect the movie to hit, but it wound up becoming its highest-grossing live action film of all time (at the time). Released the same weekend asTim Burton’sBatmanin June of 1989, the movie follows a group of kids who accidentally shrink themselves with an experimental ray and must make their way across their backyard. Along the way they befriend an ant and have to do battle with a scorpion, both of which are freaking massive, shrink ray or not. The effects are impressive and imaginative, and Moranis absolutely kills it like he always does. The film’s runaway success was enough to spawn a franchise, beginning with the 1992 sequelHoney, I Blew Up the Kid. Sadly, the title is less literal than I would’ve hoped.
14. Gremlins
Director:Joe Dante
Writer:Chris Columbus
Cast:Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Judge Reinhold
Gremlinswas released the same weekend asGhostbustersin 1984, which would’ve made for a busy two days at the movies for Little Tom if I’d been old enough to actually understand speech. Also the combination of those two films would’ve likely scared my infant ass to death, because in case you forgot,Gremlinsis terrifying. A fantasy/horror monster movie set in small town suburbia,Gremlinswas yet another salvo in producerSteven Spielberg’s ongoing assault on children. Stamped with a family-friendly PG rating and featuring the adorable bound-for-merchandise Gizmo, there’s no way kids weren’t going to go see it. ButGremlinsis dark and violent and genuinely disturbing in a few scenes, which is another way of saying that it totally rules and I wish Hollywood still made gnarly horror films for children. There’s a scene in whichPhoebe CatestellsZach Galliganthat her dad dressed as Santa Claus to try and surprise her when she was a little girl, only for her and her mother to discover his rotting body trapped in the chimney several days later. Then a few scenes later a goblin with a mohawk tries to kill Galligan with a chainsaw. I’m not surprised thatGremlinswas a hit; I’m surprised it wasn’tthe biggest hit of all time.
13. The Goonies
Director:Richard Donner
Writers:Chris Columbus, Steven Spielberg
Cast:Josh Brolin, Sean Astin, Corey Feldman
If you grew up in the 80s, it’s entirely likely that you associate the words “summer” and “adventure” withThe Goonies. A treasure-hunting action-adventure comedy for kids,The GooniesisStranger Thingsif it had actually come out in 1985. FutureLord of the RingsstarSean Astinleads a group of his misfit friends and alsoJosh Brolinon a quest to discover lost pirate treasure before their neighborhood gets gentrified by a bunch of WASPs. It’s the quintessential kids’ adventure film, and even had a dope-as-hellCindi Laupertie-in song with a two-part music video featuring a bunch of wrestlers and Steven Spielberg himself. (Spielberg produced the film, because if it was a wildly successful summer movie in the 1980s, there’s like an 80% chance Spielberg was involved at some level.) Even if you missed it as a kid and don’t have any nostalgia for it,The Gooniesis worth watching just to seeJoe Pantolianoplay an inept gangster failing to intimidate a bunch of children.
12. Poltergeist
Director:Tobe Hooper*
Writers:Steven Spielberg, Michael Grais, Mark Victor
Cast:JoBeth Williams, Craig T. Nelson, Zelda Rubinstein
Part of Steven Spielberg’s plan to emotionally destroy the world’s children,Poltergeistwas released in June of 1982 with a PG rating, a decision which in retrospect would be considered a felony in most states of the union. Spielberg conceived of the blockbuster horror film as a companion piece toE.T.(see “emotionally destroy children”, above), about the dark side of suburbia. The film became one of the biggest hits of the year, spawning a franchise and a 2015 remake that I have allegedly seen but can remember nothing about. Additionally, Several aspects ofPoltergeisthave become pop culture tropes, primarilyZelda Rubinstein’s performance as the psychic Tangina. It manages to be both a slow-burn creepfest and a effects-laden haunted house movie simultaneously, which is a sentence that cannot exist and yet somehow is true.Poltergeistis an all-time classic, although I suspect some of its box office success came from the scene in whichCraig T. Nelsonsmokes a joint and does push-ups on his bed.
11. Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
Director:Robert Zemeckis
Writers:Jeffrey Price, Peter S. Seaman
Cast:Bob Hoskins, Christopher Lloyd, Charles Fleischer
It’s hard to overstate the impact ofWho Framed Roger Rabbit.Movies had blended live-action and animation before, but nobody had ever pulled off the immersive realism ofRoger Rabbit, which, among other things, featured a hypersexual cartoon character having an orgasm while playing patty-cake with a human close-up magician. In addition to being a hugely ambitious film,Who Framed Roger Rabbitaccomplished a similarly incredible task by teaming Disney characters with Looney Tunes characters, a feat no entertainment lawyer previously thought possible. It’s a movie that is as technically impressive as it is objectively insane – a dark noir murder mystery for adults centered around beloved cartoon characters doesn’t seem like the kind of project Disney would pour millions of dollars into, but it somehow managed to find an audience in the summer of 1988, becoming one of the most talked-about films of the decade.
