A Goose Turns Into A Driver in 2015’s Cinderella
Released only four years ago, you probably forgot about this Disney adaptation despite it once making all the money while receiving positive reviews. After all, why go back and watch the live-action remake when there’s a perfectly good animated version available?
Case in point: the moment we experienceCinderella’s Fairy Godmother work her magic on the nearby wildlife – mutating a hapless goose into a snooty carriageman… but not before briefly turning him into a Dr. Moreau abomination in the process. This process is no less terrifying for the mice and the lizards as well… because some things should simply stay as a cartoon.
Michael Keaton Turns Into A Muppet in Jack Frost
The plot of this 1998 family film about a deceased dad resurrected in snow is grotesque enough without the introduction of a Henson Company snowman puppet augmented with CGI. But it’s only once you sit down and take in the full spectacle can you see why this $85 million dollar endeavor was a tremendous flop.
To be clear: the puppet itself is quite impressive. But every effort to digitally animate it in an elaborate snowball fight and sledding sequences turns this already ghastly premise into a straight-up horror show. And I simply can’t stress this enough: we’re watching a movie about a dead dad haunting his child as a reanimated holiday decoration.
Jake Becomes A Na’vi in Avatar
You probably recall the CGI Na’vi inAvataras cutting edge – and that’s most likely because the last time you saw this film was in 2009. Don’t get me wrong: this extremely forgettable film remains a breakthrough in special effects. However the transformation of actorsSam WorthingtonandSigourney Weaverfall just short of the uncanny valley – more than enough to be creepy.
Why is that? Mainly because while the Na’vi avatars included mighty attention to details such as skin creases and veins, they remain oddly clean and without imperfections throughout the film. There’s a waft of rubber to them, and the result is a creature thatdoesn’t quitefit into reality.
Silver Samurai is revealed in The Wolverine
As the second of three attempts at a solo film, 2013’sThe Wolverineis an unfortunately forgotten but overall decent origin(ish) story about an old man’s quest to harness the titular character’s healing powers via giant robot. This extremely odd plan culminates into a CGI battle between Logan and the Silver Samurai.
Then the funniest thing happens. The behemoth metallic villain drops mask to reveal himself as the elderly mastermind, puppeting the Samurai as a mech suit. In terms of CG this is totally fine to watch, but conceptually it’s a hilarious moment on par with the jarringness of seeingJeff Bridgesdon the Monger suit in Iron Man. And speaking of this exact thing…
Ares Reveals Himself in Wonder Woman
You may have noticed that we’re not going to simply point out poor CGI, but rather transformation scenes that are fundamentally bad for reasons ranging from execution to the mere notion. The newWonder Womanis absolutely a fantastic film, but the idea of seeing the scrawny British actorDavid Thewlistransform into a swole demon of Ares is beyond silly.
And yes – that is why the transition works in terms of the plot. His unassuming presence makes the transition more jarring, making the result both effective and funny at the same time. It’s a paradox, you guys. One that takes me out of the movie every time I see it.
The Sudden Dragon in The Sorcerer’s Apprentice
I don’t expect you to remember or have even seenThe Sorcerer’s Apprentice, an objectively bad movie. So simply believe me when I say that there’s a scene in Chinatown whereNicolas Cagepunches an old woman and then a dragon puppet transforms into an impressively dated CGI version unworthy of the film’s $150 million budget.
I can’t stress this enough: for such a high budget film from 2010, this dragon looks like it was made ten years prior. The weirdest part being that the rest of the movie’s effects aren’t half bad – meaning that they clearly ran out of cash from all the CG broomsticks and bitchin’ leather coats.
Electro Is Created By Eels in The Amazing Spider-Man 2
Hoo boy, was this film real or did we all have a collective and mediocre nightmare? To its credit,The Amazing Spider-Man 2was the much-needed rock-bottom that pushed Sony toward the fantastic Spider-Films we’re seeing today. And if there was ever a rock-bottom to this rock-bottom moment, that would be the scene whereJamie Foxxis pummelled by CGI eels.
For starters, they just lookterrible. But also, and more importantly, the origin of Electro being aFarrelly Brothers-style fall into a comically-placed vat of electric ocean snakes is the pinnacle of screenwriter laziness and should frankly have resulted in jail time.
Everything That Happens in the 2011 Version Of The Thing
Free advice: if you’re rebooting a classic horror film renowned for its still-amazing practical effects, try not to use bafflingly cheap CGI. The tragedy of 2011’sThe Thingis that it was originally shot with beautifully-made puppets, only to be digitally “enhanced” in post-production. The result is heartbreaking.
There’s nothing wrong with a few augmentations here and there… but can you imagine the deranged thought process behind whoever choose to spendmoremoney to make their film considerably worse? Clearly this was not the work of arealhuman being, but rather some kind of sinister facsimile.
Jordan Is Turned Into A Basketball in Space Jam
If you pause this sequence at just the right moment, you’ll discover a blocky rubber man being contorted impossibly before turning into a ball-like mass withMichael Jordan’s clearly superimposed face on it. It’s horrifying on many levels, including the numerous questions about cartoon biology going on in this scene.
Is Michael a cartoon at this point? Considering that there’s a chunk of the plot devoted to him learning to break the rules of physics, it’s safe to say that in this moment he is experiencing an existential torment unlike anything we could possibly imagine.
The Majority of Ang Lee’s Hulk
I have to confess something here: I really enjoy the 2003Hulkdirected byAng Lee. I understand that it is not agoodfilm, nor can I defend it in any way. But there’s something undeniably unique in its comic book-style editing and campy performances. It’s an adorable film from a time where we didn’t fully understand what comic book fans wanted in a movie.
That said – the CGI is distinctly early-2000s… meaning that it’s from a time where we were painfully over-confident in what we thought was “photo-realistic”. No better example is the momentEric Banais confronted by a giant cartoon poodle. But at least they had the good sense to shoot the scene at night!
